Its all about the boys....

I was on blogville this morning and reading Gary's blog and I saw a comment from Joseph. So I went to his site and read about he and his dad. I felt he missed him so much and I envy him.
I told him my real dad left us when I was 3 my sister Kathy 4 and Gina 1 1/2. He would pick us up on Sundays and take us to my grandmothers home where we palyed with our cousins and he would sleep on the couch, nursing a hangover.
My mother would tell me stories of when I would be sitting on the front porch steps with my baseball glove waiting for him to come. Of course he wouldnt and I would cry and hide in my bedroom. The glove would end up in the bushes and not be taken back out. I do remember coming across the glove in the fall. It was wet, moldy and had a musty leathery stench to it that reminded me of a cold fall day. Wet leaves stuck inside, bugs sticking out of the holes and the leather strings dangling from the wrist.
I changed my name to my step-dads when I was 25. I figured he was a better father since he took the responability when I was 10 years old. He was always to busy. He was the owner of some of the most respectfull auto dealerships in the area. So he had little time for me and my needs. My mom did all the work with the cubscouts and stuff. I remember going to the cubscout Holloween costume competition. All the other boys fathers did thier costumes and they were high tech. My mother, being the great seamstress that she was she made me as a teabag. She took a white sheet and with a wire coathanger and some old Maple leaves from the yard turned me into a teabag.
I won 2nd place and I was happy that my mother was the one who helped me. I could sense though that the other boys would be looking at me in a way like that had me beat or they were better than me because they had dads there and I didnt. I know it sounds evil but its true, even the dads thought the same. In the early 70s the dads thought a woman was a joke in the raising of a boy the way a man would. But we showed them.
I have a logitech camera on my computer and the kids have one also. I will call them up and I will tell the bedtime stories or play guitar for them and we can see each other. I will also start help them with the homework if they need it. I love the camera, but with all good things they have glitches. I will sob to myself after we say goodnight and kiss the camera. Its great to have this but not to hold them or kiss them goodnight tears away at my soul. Im doing everything in my power not to be like my dad (s). And I wont let it happen. Tonight I will do the same. This time Im going to show Mikey how to play guitar. I bought him a nice acoustic and this camera thing will work out great......